I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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