Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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