Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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