Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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