I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
