I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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