I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
