she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
