Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
