I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
