Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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