I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
