Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
