I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
