There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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