Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
