from now on my penis is your penis
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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