Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
