How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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