There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
