New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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