I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
