Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
