i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
