and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
