Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
