Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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