At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
