it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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