chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
