She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
