i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
