you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
