i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
