Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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