Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
