I am full of burrito and curiosity
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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