Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
