I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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