Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
