I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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