btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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