I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
