I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
