It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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