remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i drank out of a bidet.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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