I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
