remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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