Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
