I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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