Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
