Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
