u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You are a genius and a whore.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
