i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
false alarm, still single
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
