She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think your dad took our porno
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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