I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
