i need an iv and a liver transplant
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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