Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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